I Made It

Now that the trip is coming to a close, I've spent some time reflecting on it. It was hard as hell even getting here. Nobody wanted me to go. Everyone said because of my diagnosis that I should stay at home. I didn't have much money, so I worked 40 hours a week taking 16 credits. It was hard as hell, but I got here.

Since I think in song lyrics, I'm going to write down the lyrics that really stick out to me. "I look up to the sky, and now the world is mine. I know that all my life, I made it, I made it. I used to dream about the life I'm living now. I know that all my life, I made it, I made it." Everyone told me to stay home. They came up with a lot of excuses. They said they were worried I wouldn't study while I was there. (I have a 3.83 GPA, do you really think that?) All these excuses stemmed from my diagnosis. They didn't want me to end up in a hospital overseas. This is understandable because I was in the hospital last semester. They were worried, and I understand why. Still, it hurt that they didn't believe in me.

I would tell you all about my diagnosis, but I don't want to give you that label. I don't want you to think of me by my symptoms. Rather, I want you to think of me by my character. When I told my family my diagnosis, they started worrying about me. They started thinking of me as a sick person instead of a human being. I would rather people look at me as Anna, not as a sick person.

After coming here, I proved to myself that I'm capable of so much more than anyone expected. I could go overseas without something tragic happening. I can study while enjoying the city and do well in class. I'm proving everyone wrong. No one believed in me, so I had to believe in myself because no one else would. It was hard--I constantly battled with thoughts that maybe everyone else was right. But I didn't give up. Maybe it was confidence in my capabilities, or sheer recklessness, but I got to Madrid. And guess what? I've done well. Wonderfully in fact.

"Funny how things can change. They didn't believe in me now they're calling my name." I'm hoping when I come back, people will look at me differently. They will start showing me that they see me as Anna, not as a sick person. They will show me that they believe in me. I know I'm capable of anything, but being the only one who believes in me is difficult.

My boss at the internship gave me more than enough information for my final project. I was told more about the story of this client, and it made me happy to see that my boss believed in her. He believes in all of his clients. If a therapist can believe in all of their clients, then it should be simple for family members and friends to believe in me too.  It's a good lesson for me if I ever become a therapist--believe in your clients, because you may be the only one who believes in them. They might not even believe in themselves. You have to believe in them. No matter how many obstacles your client is facing, you have to show them that you believe in them. Believing in someone can go a long way. Believing in yourself can take you even farther.