So many people are saying goodbye to all of us, but saying goodbye is hard for me. I don't want to say it for many reasons. One, I don't want to leave. Leaving Madrid and going back to the United States is hard. It's like I've been living a dream and now I have to go back to reality. I miss my family and friends, but I don't want to go back to work and having responsibilities again. I like the independence. Second, I am horribly awkward. Guillermo and Elisa said a really sweet goodbye, and all I wanted to do was cry. They were so sweet and heartfelt, and I was thinking, how do I say goodbye? I have to say goodbye to Ventura tomorrow. How do I say goodbye to such a kind man who has taught me so many things? Each time when I think about saying goodbye, I just want to cry and I am speechless. Saying goodbye pains me.
So since I'm not good at vocalizing goodbye, maybe if I type it out it will be easier. To Guillermo and Elisa, thank you for taking care of us. Your kindness has really helped me during this trip. Just being able to converse about everyday things made my day. To Tania, I knew right when you sent the first email that you were sweet. You said that if I needed anything, just to ask. This immediately reassured me about coming here. I was so nervous, and you found a way to calm me down. It's not easy, but you did it. Gewirtz, I appreciate you dealing with my annoying student personality. I kept bugging you and being overeager, and you never got visibly upset. I know I'm a bit much sometimes, but I appreciate it. To Ventura, you are so kind and patient. You are so humble and it makes me realize how much I want to do counseling. You are so passionate about your work and that inspires me. It even sparked an interest in Gestalt therapy in me. To the lunch ladies and the workers at the dorm, you guys are literally the nicest people on the planet. You compliment me on using my Spanish, even when it isn't good. You got ice cream for me even when all I asked for was a place that sold it. You are throwing us a farewell party, and that means more than I can possibly express. Words could never thank you enough. To my classmates and friends, I hope you know that if I see you on campus, I will smile, wave, and hopefully talk to you if you are not busy. This trip was the trip of a lifetime, and I am so grateful that you all were here with me. This trip was amazing because you were all on it. You guys are all awesome. Never change.
So the next stop is Italy, and then back to Minnesota. It's bittersweet saying goodbye, but I know the next journey is around the corner. Goodbye Madrid. I will always remember you.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Hufflepuff Ratchet
Before I begin, I want to explain my reasoning for focusing less on the internship in my blogs.
First, and arguably the most important reason, is that my internship is significantly less hours than everyone else. I don't spend enough time there to write a whole blog about it. Second, is that I believe I am getting much more out of this experience than just my internship. I am having a cultural experience as well as personal growth. While in every blog I will discuss my internship, I want to make sure my blog describes my other experiences as well.
So I want to write about something that's been bothering me. Every time I discuss Harry Potter, I say that I would probably be in Slytherin or Ravenclaw. However, every time I say that, people get confused and say, "Anna, I would put you in Hufflepuff." This literally happens every time. Valerie said it last week. My friend even changed my name to Hufflepuff Ratchet in his phone for a while. I still don't understand how he thinks a Hufflepuff could be ratchet.
This deeply troubles me. I know it sounds silly, but let me try to explain. I always believed Hufflepuffs were nice and good. Perhaps I could be considered a nice person, but I never would have called myself a good person. But maybe with all these people calling me a Hufflepuff shows I've been too hard on myself. Maybe people see something in me that I don't see in myself.
This makes me think of my internship. There is a client who I will call Athena. Athena has made behavioral changes, but she's not consciously aware as to why she's made them. When Ventura asks her about them, she says, "I don't know." Perhaps what everyone else sees is completely different than what we see. Maybe if we all could see ourselves through each other's eyes, we could see ourselves in a whole new way.
So if I look in the mirror, maybe instead of seeing some dark Slytherin, I will see a sweet and kind Hufflepuff. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'm like Athena in that I have made behavioral changes that I'm not aware of. Perhaps I haven't even made behavioral changes, I was just always good and everyone else just saw it before I did. My being a Hufflepuff and Athena making these changes without realizing it has taught me something valuable. We are our own worst critic. People see the good in us, and they see the changes before we fully comprehend them ourselves.
First, and arguably the most important reason, is that my internship is significantly less hours than everyone else. I don't spend enough time there to write a whole blog about it. Second, is that I believe I am getting much more out of this experience than just my internship. I am having a cultural experience as well as personal growth. While in every blog I will discuss my internship, I want to make sure my blog describes my other experiences as well.
So I want to write about something that's been bothering me. Every time I discuss Harry Potter, I say that I would probably be in Slytherin or Ravenclaw. However, every time I say that, people get confused and say, "Anna, I would put you in Hufflepuff." This literally happens every time. Valerie said it last week. My friend even changed my name to Hufflepuff Ratchet in his phone for a while. I still don't understand how he thinks a Hufflepuff could be ratchet.
This deeply troubles me. I know it sounds silly, but let me try to explain. I always believed Hufflepuffs were nice and good. Perhaps I could be considered a nice person, but I never would have called myself a good person. But maybe with all these people calling me a Hufflepuff shows I've been too hard on myself. Maybe people see something in me that I don't see in myself.
This makes me think of my internship. There is a client who I will call Athena. Athena has made behavioral changes, but she's not consciously aware as to why she's made them. When Ventura asks her about them, she says, "I don't know." Perhaps what everyone else sees is completely different than what we see. Maybe if we all could see ourselves through each other's eyes, we could see ourselves in a whole new way.
So if I look in the mirror, maybe instead of seeing some dark Slytherin, I will see a sweet and kind Hufflepuff. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'm like Athena in that I have made behavioral changes that I'm not aware of. Perhaps I haven't even made behavioral changes, I was just always good and everyone else just saw it before I did. My being a Hufflepuff and Athena making these changes without realizing it has taught me something valuable. We are our own worst critic. People see the good in us, and they see the changes before we fully comprehend them ourselves.
Friday, July 10, 2015
I Made It
Now that the trip is coming to a close, I've spent some time reflecting on it. It was hard as hell even getting here. Nobody wanted me to go. Everyone said because of my diagnosis that I should stay at home. I didn't have much money, so I worked 40 hours a week taking 16 credits. It was hard as hell, but I got here.
Since I think in song lyrics, I'm going to write down the lyrics that really stick out to me. "I look up to the sky, and now the world is mine. I know that all my life, I made it, I made it. I used to dream about the life I'm living now. I know that all my life, I made it, I made it." Everyone told me to stay home. They came up with a lot of excuses. They said they were worried I wouldn't study while I was there. (I have a 3.83 GPA, do you really think that?) All these excuses stemmed from my diagnosis. They didn't want me to end up in a hospital overseas. This is understandable because I was in the hospital last semester. They were worried, and I understand why. Still, it hurt that they didn't believe in me.
I would tell you all about my diagnosis, but I don't want to give you that label. I don't want you to think of me by my symptoms. Rather, I want you to think of me by my character. When I told my family my diagnosis, they started worrying about me. They started thinking of me as a sick person instead of a human being. I would rather people look at me as Anna, not as a sick person.
After coming here, I proved to myself that I'm capable of so much more than anyone expected. I could go overseas without something tragic happening. I can study while enjoying the city and do well in class. I'm proving everyone wrong. No one believed in me, so I had to believe in myself because no one else would. It was hard--I constantly battled with thoughts that maybe everyone else was right. But I didn't give up. Maybe it was confidence in my capabilities, or sheer recklessness, but I got to Madrid. And guess what? I've done well. Wonderfully in fact.
"Funny how things can change. They didn't believe in me now they're calling my name." I'm hoping when I come back, people will look at me differently. They will start showing me that they see me as Anna, not as a sick person. They will show me that they believe in me. I know I'm capable of anything, but being the only one who believes in me is difficult.
My boss at the internship gave me more than enough information for my final project. I was told more about the story of this client, and it made me happy to see that my boss believed in her. He believes in all of his clients. If a therapist can believe in all of their clients, then it should be simple for family members and friends to believe in me too. It's a good lesson for me if I ever become a therapist--believe in your clients, because you may be the only one who believes in them. They might not even believe in themselves. You have to believe in them. No matter how many obstacles your client is facing, you have to show them that you believe in them. Believing in someone can go a long way. Believing in yourself can take you even farther.
Since I think in song lyrics, I'm going to write down the lyrics that really stick out to me. "I look up to the sky, and now the world is mine. I know that all my life, I made it, I made it. I used to dream about the life I'm living now. I know that all my life, I made it, I made it." Everyone told me to stay home. They came up with a lot of excuses. They said they were worried I wouldn't study while I was there. (I have a 3.83 GPA, do you really think that?) All these excuses stemmed from my diagnosis. They didn't want me to end up in a hospital overseas. This is understandable because I was in the hospital last semester. They were worried, and I understand why. Still, it hurt that they didn't believe in me.
I would tell you all about my diagnosis, but I don't want to give you that label. I don't want you to think of me by my symptoms. Rather, I want you to think of me by my character. When I told my family my diagnosis, they started worrying about me. They started thinking of me as a sick person instead of a human being. I would rather people look at me as Anna, not as a sick person.
After coming here, I proved to myself that I'm capable of so much more than anyone expected. I could go overseas without something tragic happening. I can study while enjoying the city and do well in class. I'm proving everyone wrong. No one believed in me, so I had to believe in myself because no one else would. It was hard--I constantly battled with thoughts that maybe everyone else was right. But I didn't give up. Maybe it was confidence in my capabilities, or sheer recklessness, but I got to Madrid. And guess what? I've done well. Wonderfully in fact.
"Funny how things can change. They didn't believe in me now they're calling my name." I'm hoping when I come back, people will look at me differently. They will start showing me that they see me as Anna, not as a sick person. They will show me that they believe in me. I know I'm capable of anything, but being the only one who believes in me is difficult.
My boss at the internship gave me more than enough information for my final project. I was told more about the story of this client, and it made me happy to see that my boss believed in her. He believes in all of his clients. If a therapist can believe in all of their clients, then it should be simple for family members and friends to believe in me too. It's a good lesson for me if I ever become a therapist--believe in your clients, because you may be the only one who believes in them. They might not even believe in themselves. You have to believe in them. No matter how many obstacles your client is facing, you have to show them that you believe in them. Believing in someone can go a long way. Believing in yourself can take you even farther.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Warrior Woman
I'm writing this while listening to "See You Again" by Wiz Khalifa. Ever since giving that presentation in class about how music gives you chills, I've been listening to songs that give me chills. Ironically, they are all songs that are depressing. I don't want to be depressed, but there is something beautiful about these songs that no matter what, I can't stop listening to them. I just feel a deep emotional connection with the music. This song makes me sad because it makes me think of home and the people that I miss. Still, this song reminds me that I will see them soon.
It's conflicting being here sometimes. Madrid is better than Minneapolis in every way. I just wish I could bring people from back home here. Then everything would be perfect. Sometimes I catch myself missing home, but then I remember how much I don't want to leave. But we all have to leave sometime.
My cousin visited me last weekend. She even accompanied me to my internship because she wanted to see what I do. She was enamored by Ventura. Kayla even started laughing when he mispronounced a word. I felt somewhat embarrassed. I have nothing but respect for Ventura, and seeing someone laugh at him really upset me. Especially considering how much I struggle with speaking in Spanish. I probably sound like a fool to the natives, but no one has ever laughed at me. Okay end rant.
I know who I'm using for my final project in the Research class. I am thrilled that I found a client that inspired me as much as this one. While I can't give too much information because of confidentiality, I can say I am in awe by her. I like to live like a warrior. Meaning, every obstacle thrown in my way I use to make myself stronger. I fight. I battle. And I win. This woman is just like me in that sense. She is a true warrior, and I am honored to use her for my final project. I wish I could give more information, but I guess everyone is going to just have to wait a few weeks until I reveal my presentation. All I can say is I am excited to give it. This woman is an inspiration, and I hope you all fall in love with her just like I did.
It's conflicting being here sometimes. Madrid is better than Minneapolis in every way. I just wish I could bring people from back home here. Then everything would be perfect. Sometimes I catch myself missing home, but then I remember how much I don't want to leave. But we all have to leave sometime.
My cousin visited me last weekend. She even accompanied me to my internship because she wanted to see what I do. She was enamored by Ventura. Kayla even started laughing when he mispronounced a word. I felt somewhat embarrassed. I have nothing but respect for Ventura, and seeing someone laugh at him really upset me. Especially considering how much I struggle with speaking in Spanish. I probably sound like a fool to the natives, but no one has ever laughed at me. Okay end rant.
I know who I'm using for my final project in the Research class. I am thrilled that I found a client that inspired me as much as this one. While I can't give too much information because of confidentiality, I can say I am in awe by her. I like to live like a warrior. Meaning, every obstacle thrown in my way I use to make myself stronger. I fight. I battle. And I win. This woman is just like me in that sense. She is a true warrior, and I am honored to use her for my final project. I wish I could give more information, but I guess everyone is going to just have to wait a few weeks until I reveal my presentation. All I can say is I am excited to give it. This woman is an inspiration, and I hope you all fall in love with her just like I did.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
My Masterpiece
So I'm supposed to write a blog, but I have no idea how to begin to describe this experience. I feel like I've somehow teleported to a whole new place. It amazes me how I could sit on my butt for 8 hours and end up on the other side of the globe. Maybe it's because this is my first time being out of the country. It's my first time being completely independent.
I guess I'm an adult now.
But let's get to what everyone wants to know: How is the internship?
Let me tell you, it's amazing. I'm learning so many therapeutic techniques. I consider myself a Cognitive-Behavioral therapist trainee, but I'm learning other techniques to help further my understanding of counseling. Not only that, but my boss Ventura is the biggest sweetheart. It's weird seeing your boss wear a V neck with his chest hair peeping out, but that's normal in Spain. (And so is PDA). I only wish I could observe more therapies, because I find it fascinating. Some people are intrigued by art. This to me is art. I am watching someone reveal their innermost parts of themselves, and I get to see how they transform. It's beautiful. It's like waiting for a flower to bloom.
So I hope I did Madrid justice. This experience is truly beyond words. Everything and everyone has truly been a blessing. So to all those in Madrid, I hope this wasn't boring. To everyone in MN, I will see you soon.
Peace.
I guess I'm an adult now.
But let's get to what everyone wants to know: How is the internship?
Let me tell you, it's amazing. I'm learning so many therapeutic techniques. I consider myself a Cognitive-Behavioral therapist trainee, but I'm learning other techniques to help further my understanding of counseling. Not only that, but my boss Ventura is the biggest sweetheart. It's weird seeing your boss wear a V neck with his chest hair peeping out, but that's normal in Spain. (And so is PDA). I only wish I could observe more therapies, because I find it fascinating. Some people are intrigued by art. This to me is art. I am watching someone reveal their innermost parts of themselves, and I get to see how they transform. It's beautiful. It's like waiting for a flower to bloom.
So I hope I did Madrid justice. This experience is truly beyond words. Everything and everyone has truly been a blessing. So to all those in Madrid, I hope this wasn't boring. To everyone in MN, I will see you soon.
Peace.
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